I never wanted to be a “mommy blogger” but here I am… probably my upteenth post related to Holland and/or parenting. #lifestylebloggerfail

On Monday, Holland — or “Coo” — as she is affectionally known in our home, starts daycare. For the past three months, we have been very, very lucky. Adam’s grandparents temporarily moved to Little Rock for three months to watch her after I started back to work. But on Friday, they packed up their tiny apartment and headed back to Northwest Arkansas. And on Monday, Holland goes to daycare. 

I’ll be honest — I’m a nervous wreck. 

We visited her daycare on Friday afternoon. It was clean. Her teachers were nice. But there is still a 5:1 ratio and I know that Holland won’t get the undivided attention of any adult in the room and part of that just kills me. Since the day she was born she has always had people’s undivided attention. 

For three months, she had mine. I ate, slept, and breathed her in completely. She was my sole purpose for waking up (at all hours). Then, after I went (reluctantly) went back to work, she became the sole focus of her great-grandparents each day. From sun up to sun down, they doted on her and fulfilled her every need. 

Starting Monday — Holland will join the rest of the world and quickly learn that the universe does not revolve around her. That isn’t a lesson that I want her learning just yet. Still, I can already picture her sitting in a crib and crying while the teachers juggle diaper changes and bottle feedings of nine other kids. I know that they will try their very, very best. But my little girl — who has always had every demand answered timely — will have to learn that life will not always be so easy. 

I love that kid. I love that kid much more than I ever expected to. When I was pregnant and people would describe a mother’s love I would internally say, “Oh yeah, yeah… blah, blah. Whatever.” But she’s here… and now, I’m so totally head over heels for her in a way I never expected. It’s inexplicable. The mere thought of her sitting in a room full of other chubby cheeked kids seeking attention makes my eyes well up with tears. 

But, unless Adam and I win the lottery before Monday, to daycare she will go. So, I’m going to spend the weekend soaking up every tiny bit of her I can. I will hold her every moment she will allow without complaint. I will coddle and cuddle and assure her that she is the only baby in the world that matters. After all, to me… she is. 

Then on Monday, Holland will join the rest of us and learn that the world isn’t always the kindest place. Sometimes, we have to wait for our turn. Sometimes, it makes us sad. And sometimes, it just sucks. But through it all, I hope she also learns that at the end of the day — Mommy will always be there to sweep in and save the day. And by “saving the day” I totally mean showering her with an embarrassing amount of public hugs and kisses! 

#stillnotamommyblogger #iswear #okaymaybeiam