I’m probably dealing with a bit of irregular post-miscarriage emotions, but I feel like I need to throw caution to the wind and do something a bit wild. I’m going a bit stir crazy in my daily routine. The funny thing is, there hasn’t even been much of a daily routine lately. When you work in an office environment like I do, the holidays throw everything off. This week is my first “full” week in the office in about a month. But still, I feel stifled.
It’s not that I’m not grateful for my comfortable life or the opportunities it gives me. I am. Deeply. Truly. But I also feel as if I’m missing something grand by sitting at my desk 9+ hours each day and then going home to workout/eat dinner/watch Netflix.
Lately, I find myself staring at our savings account online and trying to rationalize my crazy thoughts. I want to just withdraw a few grand, book a flight for Adam and I, and jet off to Oregon like we had planned to do last October. I want to leave the office behind entirely, leave the daily worries and stresses, and just have an adventure. I want to taste amazing wines and sip dark teas in a little nook of a remote cafe somewhere. I want to dip my toe into the freezing Pacific ocean and run my fingers over smooth beach pebbles. I want to go on a hike (which is sooooo not like me) and breathe in the smells of a forrest on a crisp day. I want to explore. I want to laugh. I want to feel.
But then I think of all the reasons that grand adventure can’t occur just now. Adam will be starting his new job in a matter of weeks and vacation time won’t be allowed for quite awhile. We need to keep adding to that savings account so that Adam can get a new car soon to replace his 15+ year old clunker. We have tons of household projects and bills that could really use the money as well. In short, there isn’t time or money for the adventure I feel my soul so desperately needs.
But maybe I can find a piece of adventure closer to home to tide me over for a bit. Perhaps this coming weekend I can take a hike nearby and finish the day sipping hot tea in a local cafe. Maybe I’ll break the monotony of my days by cutting out of the office for a mid-afternoon shopping break or drinks with a friend. If I can’t go to have an adventure somewhere, I have to get out of this rut by creating my own adventure here at home.