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Why I haven’t posted…

It has been quiet around these parts lately. A part of me feels like I should apologize for that, but I won’t. I’ve honestly needed some time for myself. I’ve needed time away to think… to cry… to unplug.
I know that I am still healing from my December miscarriage. I’ve learned to accept the fact that in a way, I will always be healing. I’ve also learned to accept the fact that no one, except someone who has gone through a similar loss, will fully understand how I’ve been feeling. Sadly, that means that even Adam — my other half, my favorite person in the whole world — just doesn’t quite understand it. 
I haven’t blogged because I’m not sure what I have to say.
To talk about it seems redundant, hurtful, and unnecessary.
To not blog about it seems disingenuous.
To blog about a household project or a date night with Adam seems frivolous and silly. 
In truth, life has gone on somewhat normally. I still wake up and go to work. Adam and I still have date nights and we continue to work on #FlorkenFirstHome. We sometimes hang out with friends. We still laugh, and yes… I still cry.

Some days have been good. Others have bordered on great.
But then, a hard day will come along and drag me down to the depths of despair I felt when it all began.

In truth, I haven’t completely sorted out my emotional state at the moment and I feel like perhaps that is best done quietly. At home. With Adam.

In short, I’m not saying goodbye to blogging. I’m just saying that I still need some time. One day, hopefully soon, I’ll wake up with a post that seems too genuine not to share. And somehow, despite my shifting moods or my sadness, I’ll feel compelled to come back to this space I love and share it with you all. When that happens, it will be a big step forward for me. I’m honestly looking forward to it.

So here’s to moving forward… eventually. 

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