Adam was right.
After getting engaged, Adam requested that we elope and I balked at the idea. After waiting 26 years to get engaged, by goodness, I was going to have a freakin’ wedding! But now that it is all said and done — the money spent, the pictures in, the day over — I can without reservation say that Adam was right. We should have eloped.
If you were a girl who loved every last minute of your wedding, please don’t take this post as an accusation. It’s not meant to be. If you are girl planning your wedding, please don’t take this post as an attack to all your wedding bell dreams. It’s not meant to be. This is, however, a confession I need the world to hear. I did not enjoy my wedding. Not even a little bit…
Over the holiday weekend, one of Adam’s relatives made a statement to me. She said, “I really liked your wedding because you enjoyed yourself.” It wasn’t a question… it was a foregone conclusion. I sort of nodded my head politely and she responded, “Yup. You did. You really did enjoy yourself. That’s what made it so wonderful. You enjoyed yourself.” I wanted to laugh. I wanted to correct her. I wanted to tell her that if it appeared that way, I deserve an Oscar. I wanted to let her to know how badly I just wanted to just grab Adam’s hand on that day, get in a car, and get out of there. Together, and alone.
Our wedding was beautiful. It was filled with love. There was plenty of food, dancing, and laughter. We had amazing family and friends that tried their best to show their support to us. I loved that our parents pitched in funds and helped plan and showed up at 8:00 a.m. to decorate the venue in 100 degree weather. I loved seeing other family members make the long journey to Central Arkansas and I loved meeting some of Adam’s family members for the first time… But when it is all boiled down, it was just too much.
cost a lot of money. That’s just the truth of the matter. However, I was under
the impression that after all that hard work, and after shelling out all that
dough, I would get to sit back, relax and enjoy my wedding. I didn’t.
constantly ran interference between everyone. With only four hours of sleep and bags beneath my eyes, I toted boxes, setup tables, organized decorations and basically ran around like crazy from 8:00 a.m. onward. My phone
rang every five minutes with cancelled RSVP’s and at roughly $60.00 a head, these messages became more and
more infuriating… especially considering that we had already finished setting
up the required tables, chairs and ceremony benches of ALL RSVP’ed guests. If it wasn’t a cancelled RSVP, it was a vendor on the other line asking to confirm details that I’d already confirmed… at least once and sometimes twice. Even with a wedding planner, there was too much to do and not enough
time to get it all done in one day.
Looking back, I didn’t have a single moment to stop and reflect on what was about to happen — on the fact that I was about to marry my best friend. Not a single moment. It was so rushed. It was so insane. I had too many people to greet. I had too many responsibilities to fulfill. There were too many people to disappoint… I was not a bride. I was a cog in a wedding machine that had to “do my part” in order for the day to be successful…
With that said — I did enjoy moments of my wedding. What moments you ask? The moments with Adam… The moment I looked into his eyes and promised to never let anything come between us. The moment we danced and I laid my head against his chest and just listened to his heart beat while our song played. The moment I was having an obligatory conversation with a wedding guest and caught Adam’s eye from across the venue and saw him smile…at me… his wife. Yes, those are the moments that I enjoyed.
And you know — I could have absorbed all those moments and more without spending a small fortune on rentals, alcohol, and worrying about whether we had enough cheese on the cheese tray. If I could go back in time, I would take Adam up on his offer. After securing the ring, I would pick a destination, book a photographer, and it would be all “wheel’s up” and wedding bound. All the friends and family who wanted to attend would just have to be disappointed. Adam and I could have avoided all the stress, saved all that money, and put it towards what really matters: Our future together. Our lives together as husband and wife.
But what done is done. I chose to have the “big” wedding (although only about 100 people showed up) and now I have the photos and the memories (plus the bad bridesmaid stories, photo disappointments, and leftover booze) that came along with it…
But if there was a time machine, I would go back. I would grab Adam’s hand when he suggested an elopement, look deep into his eyes and say, “Honey. You won’t always be right in our marriage. But you are this time. Let’s go!”